Kill (4)

- I don't believe it is a week already

- .... yeah ... things were very fast ... this week ...

- you look different

- ... i feel different ... it is just my brain chemistry ...

-and?

- ... and my grandmother visited my dreams two days ago ... still brain chemistry ...

- may be she misses you ...

- ... you are a psychiatrist ... you shouldn't be talking non sense ...

-it is not non sens.. you can never know

- ... i don't think so ...

-why? you were not in good terms ...

- ....i wish ... actually we were ... she was the only friend that i had as a child ... the only person who loved me ...

- you miss her?

-.... yes ...

- but there is more behind this yes... it is been what ? ten years now since she died ... missing her cannot be the reason behind these tears ?

- fifteen years ...

- why are you crying?

- ...regret ...

- what is it that you regret ...

- .... not telling her how much i loved her ... how much i appreciated her ... not spending more time with her ...

- some things are never enough ...

- we had a fight ... not a fight ... i was going through a very bad time ... and i don't know why i was behaving like this ... and it was like suddenly we drifted apart ... a wall was built between us ... i wall that i built with my behavior ... i abandoned her ... and i am sure she was upset ... and i was the reason why she was upset ... and ... as if there was no other time for her to go ... before i realize anything ... before i say i am sorry ....

- i think you are blaming yourself way too much ...

- ,,,,, this is how i feel ...and there is nothing i can do about it ...

-is this the reason why you are extra careful with people? you don't want to do something and regret it later?

- ........i am not extra careful ... i just make sure that the people i care about know that i appreciate them and that i don' t take them for granted ... it is their right to know ....

- and the people you care about ... you don't want to stay in this world with them? for them?

- ....of course i do ... but i think the question should be the other way around... do they want me? do they want to spend time with me?

- i think they do

- ... i don't think so ... may be ... i am not sure ....may be we should talk about this next week ?

- sure ... i will see you next week ...