So… it is the last evening in 2012 …it is been what… three years now… yeah … about three years… seems that I am going to spend this evening finishing the work that I have to do… all the typing and all the arrangements …. It seems the only way to beat the panic that’s starting to eat me alive… I doubt that my students are worried as much as I am about the exams…. I don’t know why I feel like this… but I was hoping that if I talk about it, it will go away… It is funny… I don’t remember a time when I was truly free since this year started… every week end… every free period… even the extra days that we had off … all were spend trying to finish what seems so endless… and I wonder what else could be done… and I can’t help feeling that despite all this … I will fail…. May be I am scared because it is the only thing that I truly have… because it is my thing … the thing that I chose to do... that I love… that I always put first … that I deeply cherish… my work… I don’t know…. I don’t want to fall into that hole of confusion… I don’t want to lose my focus and my ability to function… I pray and ask for a little peace… may my brain chemistry get fixed…

world on ice ....

... When I pass through one of those times when one can feel down... depressed... helpless...and all the other similar stuff that you sure know... I let the music silence everything … I let the very beloved ear phones do their job … I listen … I imagine myself skating ... choreographing my favorite song or music and skating... and for a moment I am able to breath … it is a temporary relief… but it is working… the same way symptomatic treatment works… Yet I think why is my comfort conditioned with something that would never happen? I don’t know… may be it is just a coincidence… but I know that if I can’t have what I want for real…. I will have it for as much as I want, and as long as I want in my mind … and may be it will come true one day …. It is not impossible…. As far as I remember it did happen before… and one of the things that I dreamt about did come true …..

Burn notice

Micheal Weston... a burned (fired) spy... wakes up in Miami to start a hunt after the people whor burnt him.... He could rely on the only people who were still talking to him.... his friend Sam and his ex-girl friend Feeyona He and Fee have a history that goes a long way back when she met him and didn't know who he really was... she fell in love with him... and one day she woke up to find that he was gone... to protect her as he explained later... and to protect himself.... All along the first 2 seasons Fee was always there for Micke... he was always her priority... even when his priority was to get his old Job back and clear his name...." you should support me on this..." he said "... if you really care" and indeed she supported him even though she knew that him, getting his job back, mean him going away and disappearing again Then there was the moment when she realised that she can't take it any more... it was not that he was not ready to give up something that he wanted for her... it was that she was ready to give up anything just to be with him... while he was not... and the unfairness of the situation hurts a lot " i will help you if you need me... but we can't be together anymore...." Eventually Micheal realised how much Fee means to him.... and lucky for him ... it was not after too late... in season 6 Fee will go to jail ... and we will see a whole new side of michesl weston