Dear friend…
It has been very long since the last time we talked together…I really hope you are doing very well in your life…you deserve the best...for countless times I said I will pick up the phone and call… but I don’t…I simply don’t have the right to do so…I can’t just show up in your life…say a couple of words… and then disappear again… as some say…every life is written by God…I think the things that I want to do and can’t are simply… not written… or not meant to be… …
after all we didn’t know each other for long… I keep saying that what I knew is enough…how kind and trust worthy you are…how you remember and how you care to do very simple things because you know how they can be the only good thing in someone else’s life… …may be my subconscious didn’t want to know anything further… I can’t imagine that one day I will find myself face to face with a fact or a truth about you that’s different from what I believed…it is selfish from me… I know… putting all the projections and the expectation on you… but somehow… in the middle of all this …lies a truth… I mean the gap between your truth and the truth that I believe cannot be that big…. …
what I have doubts about is wither you knew my truth or not…because in most of the times when I look back at the things that I did or said…I could see all the possible interpretations of my behavior which are very logic… yet not true…like when I get sick and need to leave to rest…I never admit that…I tell any other excuse… I may even remain silent and let the people believe what they want to believe ….and I am saying it now because I know that the chance that you might read this is next to null… …any way…
I wouldn’t matter now… I am afraid I am starting to talk non sense…
I am not sure if I made my idea clear... I will stop now before going through a psychotic attack …. my fingers are already numb…
From : the continuous pursuit of the non-existing
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