…I can’t focus to work…. I can’t rest… obviously I can write, though I am not sure that what I say will make sense… …It is not the first time that I get trapped in this state …
...I close my eyes…but I still see the pictures coming through my mind…and somehow the ear phones and the richest voices and sounds of the biggest orchestra are failing to silence the violence and the injustice …I am losing all my defenses ….
…one of the great benefits of studying medicine… and working around the sick people….is that it set the threshold of the worst that could happen at a very high level…somehow …there was always something worse than whatever happens… even this idea is not working any more…
...I, the master of denial, I can’t find a wall to hide inside…too much violence…too many people dying…too much fear…too many people talking about it as if it was an action movie… not real life…. It is very exhausting….even trying to ignore it becomes very exhausting… ...there must be a way…to find my neverland…just like Ophelia… I will close my eyes and see the day where everything will be just fine…
...this day will sure come… I know
…probably
…. may be
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