it is in my mind where the problem is ...

... in most of the time i can't identify ... what i feel ... from what i hope for... i keep building up ideas in my head ... ideas that have no solid evidence ... ideas that can't be ... and wish they were true... and somewhere along the way ... i lose my compass ... what i hope for is too good to be true ... things like this don't happen ... at least they don't happen to me ... and then comes the big question .. why not ? did i ever let anyone down? has anyone asked me for help and i said no? did i reject anyone before? did i ever let go?
then why? why do i end up so alone?
there must be something wrong with me ... something that i can't identify ... that i can't understand... why do i end up so unhappy ?
for now i know one thing that can make me happy ... yet ... i can't tell about it ... i don't have the right ... i can't ask for it ... again ... i don't have the right ... and i am so scared to pray for it ... i am so scared it will be like every time i prayed for something .. i am afraid the answer would be no ... may your will be done ...