Breakable

I like long “to do lists” they give me a chance to be proud of myself when I finish all the tasks….that if I managed to finish them, which doesn't really happen…. But until then it gives me a chance to get absorbed in something useful.

It is a very efficient way to fight the silly ideas. The ideas that keep insisting to force themselves in my mind and slice it over and over. The stupid trial to make sense of the meaningless.

I hate myself every time I fall into that trap. I shouldn't let anything stop me from properly functioning. I know I shouldn't but I don't manage to do that all the times.
Out of nowhere I find myself in that cursed situation. I who lived believing that I am a strong person who went through a lot, who though was immune, find myself fragile enough to be broken by simple, probably meaningless, actions.

Did I do that to myself? Am I really that shallow person?
I don't think so….

Now I remember every time I dared to take a chance, every time I believed in something, every time I held on to something good and made sure I get the most out of it despite my clear knowledge that change is the inevitable fact of life, I remember that and I know I am not a fragile person…

And every time I don't let anything stop me from properly functioning I know that I am a strong person…