kill (10) part one

- .... i don't have a person ....

-i don't understand.

- in one of the work application ... there was a space to write the number of "the emergency person " ... you know the one person they should call in case something went wrong ...it was optional ... i gave her the form and ... in a second the fact that i always knew ... but was somehow trying to avoid ... or pretend that i am OK with it ... is that i don't have a person ...

- please try not to cry ... it will make it harder to breath ...

- .... can't you understand ? it doesn't matter ... I don't matter ... the people that i reached out for ... the people i cared about ... and made it crystal clear for them ... that i care ... the people that i loved. ... no one care ... if i still belong to this world ... or not ... it is the same for them ...and it hurts ... you have no idea how much it hurts ... and how much it hurts to pretend that it doesn't hurt and that it is OK ...

- that's why you wanted to kill yourself ? to see who cares?

- no ... if i wanted to kill myself because i was sure no one would be affected ... no one would even notice ....

- you are wrong ...

- don't try to convince me of something that i know is not true ... and if you are talking about yourself ... please don't ... you are an exception ... simply an exception... and i will not be stupid enough to take an exception for a regular truth ...

- you don't know that ...

- i can't handle another disappointment ...i won't survive another disappointment ...

- you are still holding that locket?

- yes ... he was my biggest disappointment ... disappear just like that ...

- he was a key witness in a military trial ... he was hiding in the hospital ... they tried to kill him ... again ... they took him away to save his life ... there was no way he would leave a trace for you ... but when everything was over  ... he tried to look for you .., but he couldn't find you ...

- what are you talking about ... is this some kind of psychological trick ?

- no i am telling you the truth ... just like the truth about the locket  you are wearing ... the one he designed ... and made only one copy of it ... one unique copy ... that he gave to one unique person ... one unique voice that kept  reading for him for hours and  saved him form the darkness that was sucking life out of him ...

- how come you know all that ... it was just me and him ....

- yes ... just you and him ... and here you are ....

- which makes you ....him?

- yes ...

- i don't believe you ...