cripled ...

For a few days I found myself unable to write...and I hated being in that state, which seemed to be still lingering in my mind. I can see that as I deleted and rewrote the previous sentence more than once. But I will write… nothing specific… it is just to prove to myself that I am still capable of writing.

It could be the stress, the numerous tasks that need to be done, or the excitement about the beginning of the school year. I feel I am a child! I keep preparing my books, my notes, and my new pens and pencils, and at a moment I will have all these stuff very well packed in my bag , so that I won’t forget anything before I leave tomorrow morning.
Or maybe it is the many ideas that got stuck in my mind and that I still can’t deal with… ideas that I realized once I started thinking about my life from a different perspective ….
Ideas mainly about myself … and how I behave … yet it seems to be always coming back to the same conclusions.... like there is no perfect formula that can work with everybody, in all the situation, all the time… every case is unique… and every person has his own nature… and there is no way that one can tell what is going in the other’s mind… and there is no way that anyone can tell what is going on in my mind… so it is my responsibility to come clear about things that matter … and I will not do the same mistake and believe something about someone and go on completely convinced that this is the truth… I will not subject them to the same injustice that I went through… or to be honest… the injustice that I put myself in every time I kept silent and went to wipe all by myself…. I ask and I expect an honest answer… and from myself I hope I will be clearer expressing myself… again not every formula works with everyone all the time... but i think that this is what should be done when it comes to somehting that really matters.

The reason I brought this up is because a friend of mine told me about a situation where her daughter behaved in a way that most people will see as disrespectful or not accepted … but as I see the contrast between what she did, and what I would have done if I were to be in her position… I sort of admire her …

I didn’t reread what I wrote, I am not ready to delete it and write it again… I just hope that it made sense …