what should i post?

I am writing… which means the fever is down, and I am gradually recovering
In a couple of hours it is going to be the New Year's Eve, at home of course… under the effect of the medications the most agonizing issues that my mind can actually process is what am I going to post on face book for the new year's eve!! Yeah that's one good thing about being sick, one can sit… do nothing…. Worry about nothing… and still have a very, very clear conscious.

Please help me here, it has to be something special… come on, it is the new year's eve… the time we reconnect… the chance to do and tell all that we wanted but couldn't… for all the different reasons… it represents one socially acceptable occasion to call people, to talk to people, to ask about people….

But, as many ideas rush in our mind, in an attempt to get some proper lines to say, eventually everyone sits at the table with silence having the upper hand… silence the winner….

It is not silence that won, it is the fear that lead to silence, we fear we might say the wrong words, we fear we won't do things the right way and we fear we will end up making things worse. And the more it is something that we care about, the more we are afraid.

But people's judgment shouldn't imprison us this way.

True, it is not people's judgment that matters; it is the judgment of the ones that we care about, and who happen to be some of those same people that matters. Yet, when something means a lot to us, it deserves to be taken as frankly and as honestly as possible leaving no other way for misinterpretation or misunderstanding. We keep trying and trying and we don’t stop until we manage to say what we want in a way or another, because all the kind people need to know that they are appreciated, all the generous people need to know that they are not taken for granted, all the good people who do simple things that touch our life and make it better deserve to know what they did.
As I see every moment our heart is still beating and we are still breathing a chance to do that, suddenly New Year's Eve is not so special
But I still wonder what I should post on my profile?????

??

it is the end of a long day, i can't work, and i can't sleep either, and probably i shouldn't write, or post anything, yet i will... one of the things that are really good for me, is to do what i want without thinking too much about it..

there is no absolute truth... i am repeating myself here, but i must never forget that...

sometimes we... i believe in something, and i see everything that happens a simple confirmation of whatever i believe in... as if there is one and only one way to read all these signs. and the further i go on my way, the harder it gets to move back and let go what i was perusing. I know why it is so hard to do so, it would be as if i admit that all was non sens, and all the passed time was wasted, and i was stupid enough to ignore all the possibilities and to believe in something that never existed.

and again i wonder... what difference would it make... there is nothing that can be done...it is useless to talk. after all our choices are very limited

but if things are that simple... why does it feel so bad right now??

It is Saturday, time for a stand ….

I wake up a little later than usual; it is a day off, today. A book and a cup of coffee give me the perfect start of the day. It has to be a perfect start. There is a lot to do and I need to be in focus.

I will type the notes for my students and the revision questions as well. The power point and the movies won't take long. The Internet search might take longer, but it is a must. I have to be ready. I can't win if I am not ready.
I will get as much info as I can. I will find the most suitable vocabulary to use and I will arrange the most effective methods. I will try many scenarios so that the one that I will realize will be the best one. I will do my job the way it has to be done.

That's what we, all who work in this school, do. It is time consuming, it is exhausting but we do it because we believe in the power of education and we believe in the concept and the policy of the institution to which we belong.
We, the members of one big group.

I know another group whose members work as hard, if not harder.
The residents at the university hospitals. They give up their time, their health and sometime their life for the sake of their work.
They will be rich and famous doctors, some may say. Well it is not a guarantee and, even if it is, which is not true, no one can deny that all through their very long, hard, and tough journey, they helped many people, and they got nothing in return.
No one said that the price of learning should be that high.

I know the stress and the pain they have to go through, and I see that fame and wealth are not the things that help them go through all that, it is their strong belief in what they do, it is their very sharp human sense that keep them going and stop them from saying :"what the hell I will let go."

I am sure that there other people similar to these one. I only talked about what I know. I only talked about who I know, the teachers – my colleagues-, and the residents, either the ones that I worked with, or my friends who continued in the medical field.

I know that they are not any less than the ones who can stand for hours, or days in a public square.

Cursed

…Sara was wandering in the streets, thinking about the curse that did and will keep hunting her. That memory that steels away almost every moment to be lost in thinking about whether or not what once happened, and was not meant to last, was as real as she believed. Wasting her attention, as she scans the faces around her and wonders why her friend's face is not one of them.

Yet, as much as she was hoping for a coincidence that would help her see her friend once for real, she was afraid that if this coincidence happens, her friend wouldn't remember her…or even worse, would recognize her and turn the other way.

Cursed she thought…and she hoped if all this would stop…she wished she could be free…
But it is not easy to be free from the one good thing that happened to her. She can't turn away from that fading light that managed to survive despite the darkness. That one thing that seems to be a bless

it is time....

it is time to do what i want... i will get dressed and go out. i will button my coat, wrap the scarf tightly around my neck, and walk till forever...
i will walk and walk... i will meet the people that i miss... i will see them once for real.... i will hear their voice and shake their hand... i will let the life be in me.

i will walk and walk...free... i won't worry about anything... i won't let the absence of the sun make me insecure...i will let the life be in me... all with a black ink pen, and some white papers..

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Most people don't really mean what they say. Those who does, you find out later that what they meant was something completely different from what you understood.

The moment when I realize the gap between what I believe and what is really happening is one of the things that scare me the most. I try to prepare myself for everything, and anything,yet, I find myself in another dilemma. If I get to choose, will I prefer to know the real truth? Or i will keep my beliefs? I am not sure if I will be strong enough to deal with the fact that I have such a judgment defect
It is like when someone shakes you, punches you in the stomach and tells you:" what are you? An idiot? What were you thinking? Where has your mind gone? And you feel all the guilt and the shame because, unfortunately that voice that's blaming you, is completely right...

Yet, I can't live with the conspiracy theory being the explanation of everything that happens in my life.
I will just keep in mind that, as a part of human nature, people say things that they don't really mean. And, everything doesn't really mean to them as much as it does to me…. May be it is my problem after all…. I should take things lightly…I will try… though I know that I can't

:-)

Simple things that people do and which, unintentionally and positively affects other people is one of the things that I can't stop admiring.

I go for a walk and something on the floor catches my eye. I gradually figure out what it is. The store implanted the covers of coca cola bottle in the cement of the platform, to write its name, a welcome and a little smiley face.
It was a very simple publicity, yet, because it got my attention, it was able to give me a moment away from all the concerns and the worries, and it made me smile.

Somehow I felt that it was on the floor for the ones who walk looking down…the ones who are upset or have the head loaded with many things that they can't enjoy walking and watching the people and the cars.

Or the day I was going to get some stuff, and before I turn on the engine, a lady, who has just parked looks at and says:" don't take the main road, it is blocked, I was stuck there for over an hour"
She was a stranger, she didn't know me, yet she was human enough to warn me.


Or when I was coming out of a parking and I saw a lady with a little boy trying to cross so i stopped, but the boy, who was still afraid wouldn't walk, so the guard came to stop right in front of my car so the boy can be sure that I won't move, and he smiles to the boy who safely crosses and turns to thank me for waiting.
Or the day I was stuck in the rush hour listening to a wonderful soundtrack that someone once recommended, it was my one companion that helped me through the way.

Simple things that people do, and which unintentionally and positively affects other people make my believe in human beings get stronger.